Hate is a strong word, so sit down before you read what is coming.
- I hate talking about myself to others.
- I hate spotlighting personal ‘achievements’.
- I hate being singled out in a group for positive reasons.
- Above all I hate compliments.
I’ve been struggling a bit. Following Banqer’s win at Startup Weekend I’ve been having a lot of conversations. And often the topic is… me.
This is my worst nightmare.
To highlight how much I despise discussing myself until I entered the workforce whenever someone praised me my usual response was “shut up”. Often followed by me exiting the conversation. I wasn’t sure how my manager would find this so instead I kept my mouth shut and probably wriggled in my seat very uncomfortably to the point he left me leave as he assumed I needed the bathroom.
And this series of unpublished blogs should really hit it home. I don’t even want to publish things that appear to be all about me, or even feature me.
I may be an extremist, but I don’t think I’m alone-- we are New Zealanders, after all.
Without psychoanalysing too much, I got hit with a large dose of what we call Tall Poppy Syndrome: the fear of standing out from the bunch.
This puts me in a very tricky spot when it comes to being the face of Banqer. New to me, I’ve been asked to have interviews and meetings where I can’t avoid receiving some form of commendation for what I’m doing with Banqer.
The awkward seat shuffle really won’t cut it here. I have an obligation to Banqer. To its future and to my team. If don’t believe in my abilities and take pride in what I’m achieving them why should anyone see value in Banqer. Actually it’s offensive to my team and those supporting Banqer to not accept the praise with anything but gratitude.
Maybe I just need to grow up a bit and realise that it’s actually more self-absorbed to linger awkwardly on a compliment than to thank the person and move on.
This is the way I have been for a long time. It’s probably part of my DNA passed down from awkward generation to awkward generation. But I’m going to change it. Hopefully one word will be enough. At the least it’ll be a good starting point.
‘Shut up’ is out and ‘thanks’ is in.
